Category Archives: being human

Moore is no Pedophile

Ray Moore. Hebephilia is the word to use. Google it. Using the wrong term has absolutely bolstered that cretin’s defense. It’s still heinous. It’s still vile and disgusting. And most importantly, it’s a REAL thing. Especially for those who can’t call a 14 year old girl a “child,” maybe they would believe matters if they knew that “sexual preference” of a young adolescent has a name and is in the same family as pedophilia. At 14, 14, 16, they are still young and still deserve to be protected by adults not sexualized, preyed upon, or shamed by them. (“They want older men.” I threw up in my mouth at that one.) I don’t have any nice words for anyone voting “against blue” or along single issue lines because you are choosing instead to vote in favor of predation upon the most vulnerable of our young women. In favor of actual events that have transpired against someone who believes in someone else’s right to choose for themselves rather than have you choose for them. Against someone who cannot biologically even do the thing you hate. The old guy who likes to diddle with teens is a better option for you? I hope you like it hot. There’s a special place in Hell for you.

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I Believe

I believe every one of the  allegations against men. Moore. Franken. Cosby. Trump. Not because he’s Trump. Just because he’s a man. Just because I’m a woman and I’ve see some shit and put up with some shit. Most of us have.

There is a reckoning going on. All of a sudden, all the shit we’ve been enduring and putting up with for years, has finally come to a head. And some people don’t want to deal with it.

There are very few women who have not at one time or another been subjected to sexual harassment or abuse. Attractive, homely, shapely, rotund, straight, gay…the common factor is being female (the gender or the sex). What is it about having a pussy or looking like you do that has given so many men for so many years the idea that it’s okay to touch us, shame us for being sexy, shame us for being not sexy, to feel entitled to own our bodies, to possess us?

Whatever it is, it looks like we’re all finally fed up enough about it and are finally supporting each other in standing up and saying that it isn’t right and it needs to stop.

Sorry not sorry that it means calling out all of the assholery over the years. The “flirting,” the “you should feel flattered,” the “you’re a good looking woman what do you expect?” All of it.

I present to you, in no particular order, an incomplete and list of assholery personally encountered by yours truly:

A fucker touched 14 year old me on the streets of Durango, CO.

My high school botany teacher stole my day planner and kept it for 3 weeks, asked me to leave the class because he thought I was too sensitive for the killer whale eating the seal, and kept me after class to talk about Native American birth control herbs.

Countless boys teased me, flipped my skirts and snapped my bras, and got to call me “slut” even though we were all children.

To my “friend” who kissed me and asked to relieve me of my virginity when I was 10 and he was 12. Thanks for asking?

When I was 19/20, my manager favored me, made my coworkers resent me, touched me inappropriately, and had been forced to switch stores in the past because of sexual harassment.

I’ll stop there. You get the gist. All of my friends have stories. They are all different and yet the same. A male acts upon our bodies without asking. Awake, drunk, oh shit I just made eye contact…hi…thanks no there’s nothing different about me today (please oh please don’t stand so close oh god so hate that smirk I just want to punch him in the face) …no nothing is wrong I just have work to do…no no no I like talking to you I just have to…(there it is. “Bitch”)

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Today, I just…

have some random thoughts I need to get out of my head.

I’m horrified by recent events, but more horrified that the lives of millions of people are in jeopardy. So, to shut down the noise in my head, and avoid abusing social media, in no particular order:

  • 1 possible terrorist out of millions of people…oooooh those odds are SO scary. Not. Please help the refugees. The bad guys will come (or grow locally) and cause mayhem and chaos and “terrorize” you regardless of refugees.
  • “OMG Poor Paris” and you refuse to acknowledge the atrocities occurring in the rest of the world.  You cannot see it. You talk only of yourself and validation.
  • A meme comparing the 10,000 refugees to the 50,000 homeless vets in the US being passed around by people who don’t actually do anything to help anyone but themselves.
  • Saying, “I don’t want those refugees in my backyard.” Change refugees to n-word, and we’ve taken the Tardis to Southern US, 1965.
  • People who decide it’s cool again to vocalize their hatred for all Muslims because of terrorists the day after hating Starbucks for plain red cups and their war on Christians and campaigning for presidential candidates who  associate with deranged psychopaths who want to put homosexuals to death. Clearly they don’t read the Bible, or they would know the greatest commandment of all, is to love one another and that the new covenant invalidated the old law. Pick a side, don’t cherry-pick out of the bowls.
  • The weak-ass inability to take a stand or have an opinion is disgusting. You cannot NOT have an opinion. That just tells me you are an ignorant sheep. Let’s hope you are rescued by the right sheepdog and not eaten by the wolf.
  • They want you to be scared.
  • They want you to reject the refugees because they hate the refugees for rejecting Sharia Law and leaving to go to the evil West.
  • They want us to bomb more and more and more and create more instability and chaos and breed more misery and discontent because they recruit from fear and misery.
  • Acting on fear is pandering to their wants. It’s okay to be scared, but it’s not okay to make rash decisions because of it. It’s worse, though, to take no action because of it. I can’t agree with fear-based arguments telling the world to keep their refugees, but I agree even less with the pearl-clutching baa-baas of humanity looking for the nearest sheepdog to follow, regardless of its master.
  • I can’t rationalize the fear so many have for terrorists. YOU ARE LETTING THEM WIN. It’s the moral equivalent of meekly giving the bully your lunch money so they don’t kick your ass. Be scared, but be intelligent. Be the kid who gets the black eye. Be the hero. Or, let it make you cautious. Use it to educate yourself. Use it to maintain diligence and vigilance and observe what is going on around you. Just do something.
  • How many of the recent attacks, like Paris, Beirut and even school shootings could have been prevented by better diligence? By listening to that gut feeling and taking action?
  • Don’t just stand by and let the waves of despair crash over you. You still have to continue to seek out the good and the beautiful. Half the world could die tomorrow and you would still have to put food on the table and dress your kids. Get on with living and loving.

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Hunter’s Chicken

Hunter’s Chicken

2ish pounds of boneless chicken breast $4 (original recipe called for 3-4 lbs bone-in chicken)
1 onion, sliced $.50
1/4 cup oil $.25
1/2 cup flour $0.50 (less if you don’t use GF
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp black pepper
1 cup chicken broth $0.10
1 12(?) oz can of diced tomatoes $1
1 4 oz can mushrooms, drained $0.70
1 cup of  black olives $0.75
1/2 cup broth $0.05

1. Saute onions in oil until soft
2. Dredge chicken in flour, salt, and pepper, then brown in pan with oil and onion.
3. Pour in 1 cup of broth. Simmer uncovered till liquid is mostly gone.
4. Dump in remaining ingredients. Simmer uncovered until desired thickness.

Served with 2 lbs buttered potatoes ($1.25) and bag of steamed veggies with butter ($1.35)

So, total cost was about $10.50 for six people, less than $2/serving. And it was delicious!  It could be made for less $ with different meat., and it would still be tasty without mushrooms and olives.

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Where did all of my posts go?

Some of you may have noticed that all of my old posts are gone. The fact of the matter is, I created a niche blog and then used it as a platform for all of my shenanigans. I don’t think that’s the best use of the site. I think The Incompetent Hausfrau can do a lot of good, but not when I wander off on tangents. So, I have temporarily gotten rid of all of my old posts. I may set up a different blog for that nonsense, but I’m trying to refocus on my original vision for The Incompetent Hausfrau as a community space for people (not necessarily just women) who feel like they aren’t doing well enough. Who beat themselves up when they don’t meet up with their own expectations. We’ve become a sea of individuals comparing ourselves to a set of ideals that don’t exist in reality. When the extended family broke down and we all went our happy ways to our humble little two bedroom cottages with white picket fences and grandma and grandpa and great-aunt Margie stayed in their own humble little cottages, we lost our community. We became strangers in a sea of humanity and no longer had the beauty and wisdom of age and experience in the kitchen with us to laugh off things like inedible pot roast and sassy children. We became so individualistic that we think we have to know it all, do it all ourselves, do it all perfectly, and that asking for help or advice is somehow shameful and means that we’re weak and incompetent. And it’s just not true.  I’m awesome. You’re awesome. We are amazing, we just happen to be imperfect beings in a Perfect Universe. So, I’ll be going through my old posts one at a time and republishing them if they’ll fit in and be helpful. Namaste, Lieblings.

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I AM grateful but I can’t ignore the spitball in my hair

There is a big gratitude movement, of which I totally approve. Yes, it needed my approval, which I gladly give. You’re welcome. (kidding) I think it is awesome and fantastic and a step in the right direction. Unfortunately, it seems to be fanning the flames of the suck it up buttercup, quit yer bitchin’, no one fucking cares cause.

I think it is great to play Pollyanna and the “I’m so glad” game, but let’s not forget that we are adults and that real life hurts and sucks sometimes and that it has been pretty well established that bottling it all up, even if you are continually topping off with gratitude, is just not healthy. We have to let this crap out. We have to vent and rage and scream and cry on occasion. We have to say, “This SUCKS. This pisses me off. This hurts my feelings.”

We cannot continue to invalidate our own feelings because it turns people off and we’re not supposed to let them out of the nasty little recesses of our minds. We’re only allowed to talk about that which makes us grateful; everything else is self-serving narcissism.

Well, I call horseshit. Please, be grateful. Keep up that running commentary on the good stuff, the small things, the beauty in the world that makes your heart sing. But also, let’s be real and genuine. Let’s strive for balance and let one another let it all out without apology because it is just as important and vital to our well-being.

What do you think? Do you ever feel upset, angsty, stressed, sad, etc., and not feel as though you can express it? If you are a blogger, do you avoid those topics? Do you think people should keep it to themselves? If so, what is your solution to the need for catharsis and relief? How can we help one another create safe environments to express both gratitude and angst?

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Relax, Your Kid Hasn’t Been Ruined by Electronics

I always seem to wait too long to write responses. Be it blogs, news, #hashtags, I always dilly and dally and soon everyone has said all the things at least thrice and I would just be adding to the dissonant cacophony of voices each vying for attention, hits, and traffic. Oh well. Better late than never. I want to discuss the HuffPost article going around about 10 Reasons Something Something Kids and Electronics. I won’t link to it. If you must find it, I’m sure you can Google it, or find it from a Facebook friend. Ahem. If that’s you, please know that I love you from the bottom of my heart and that I do not fault you for sharing it. Please read on.

The overall premise is pretty sound: kids need less electronics. However, the individual pieces–those ten little reasons–individually and collectively seek to terrify parents. Terrify. Fear marketing is roughly equivalent to domestic terrorism. Don’t believe me?

Terrorism: Systematic use of violence to create a general climate of fear in a population and thereby to bring about a particular political objective. Merriam-Webster

Oh. “Violence.” Then fear marketing doesn’t count. My bad. Or does it?

Violence: 3. b: Vehement feeling or expression Merriam-Webster

Oh. “Political.” Never mind. Wait. Political, root word politic.

Politic: 2: Characterized by shrewdness in managing, contriving, or dealing. Merriam-Webster

I think we can all agree on the meaning of domestic. In other words, terrorism can be defined as

The systematic use of vehement feeling or expression to create a general climate of fear in a population and thereby to shrewdly manage or contrive a particular objective.

So, what about said blog author’s qualifications? She’s a biologist, a pediatric occupational therapist for heaven’s sake. That requires degrees, certifications, letters after her name! I happen to have degrees and letters after my name. BS <gigglesnork> Bachelor of Science in Marketing, summa cum laude, tyvm. So, I know a thing or two about marketing. Respect my authority.

Actually, that is what all of this is based on. Authority. The vast majority of people do in fact respect authority and power, which is why marketing works. Sometimes the authority is Science, or Academia, or Celebrity. Fear marketing is a very successful type of marketing that uses authority to create fear in consumers, and as it happens I find it extremely unethical. The blog author, with her authority, both her own and her citations, attempts to scare the reader (parent). She attempts to lead parents to believe that whatever is wrong with their children can be directly tied to their electronic use. From cancer to ADHD, and obesity to developmental delays: if you exposed your children to handheld electronic devices or television you have caused them harm. And as it so happens she is the creator, owner, and marketer of a line of products, workshops, and training designed specifically to combat that damage you have done to your children. It almost brings a tear to your eye.

Well. If you’re not inherently skeptical. If you are an average parent, especially if you are an average parent with a less-than-perfect child, then this article work of terror will likely cause an anxious thread of doubt to circulate your chest. Your mind will start reeling and reliving all the times you turned on the babysitter forjustafewminutesofpeaceandquiet! Please, let me tell you, from the bottom of my heart, that if you are reading that article, if you care about the growth and development of your child, if you love and do your very best for your child, then you haven’t harmed them with some exposure to electronics. Seriously.

This article is designed to appeal (contrary word isn’t it? even while you’re terrified for your child this product appeals to you) to good parents. Bad parents won’t bother to read it or question their parenting at all. This is what I want you to understand. This ad campaign, and so many others like it, are designed to cause anxiety where none exists. In marketing, if there isn’t a market for a product then you create it. That is what fear marketing does; it creates a market by scaring consumers into believing they need something. You see it a LOT in the Hollydaze, and I’ll write more about it as that special time of year approaches.

So this article blog opinion marketing campaign is junk. Say it with me, “It is crap.” Now, go kiss and love on your babies because YOU are a fabulous parent.

Shameless plea for external validation: please like and share this post. It’s like a virtual hug.

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March 13, 2014 · 8:39 PM