Category Archives: being human

Moore is no Pedophile

Ray Moore. Hebephilia is the word to use. Google it. Using the wrong term has absolutely bolstered that cretin’s defense. It’s still heinous. It’s still vile and disgusting. And most importantly, it’s a REAL thing. Especially for those who can’t call a 14 year old girl a “child,” maybe they would believe matters if they knew that “sexual preference” of a young adolescent has a name and is in the same family as pedophilia. At 14, 14, 16, they are still young and still deserve to be protected by adults not sexualized, preyed upon, or shamed by them. (“They want older men.” I threw up in my mouth at that one.) I don’t have any nice words for anyone voting “against blue” or along single issue lines because you are choosing instead to vote in favor of predation upon the most vulnerable of our young women. In favor of actual events that have transpired against someone who believes in someone else’s right to choose for themselves rather than have you choose for them. Against someone who cannot biologically even do the thing you hate. The old guy who likes to diddle with teens is a better option for you? I hope you like it hot. There’s a special place in Hell for you.

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I Believe

I believe every one of the  allegations against men. Moore. Franken. Cosby. Trump. Not because he’s Trump. Just because he’s a man. Just because I’m a woman and I’ve see some shit and put up with some shit. Most of us have.

There is a reckoning going on. All of a sudden, all the shit we’ve been enduring and putting up with for years, has finally come to a head. And some people don’t want to deal with it.

There are very few women who have not at one time or another been subjected to sexual harassment or abuse. Attractive, homely, shapely, rotund, straight, gay…the common factor is being female (the gender or the sex). What is it about having a pussy or looking like you do that has given so many men for so many years the idea that it’s okay to touch us, shame us for being sexy, shame us for being not sexy, to feel entitled to own our bodies, to possess us?

Whatever it is, it looks like we’re all finally fed up enough about it and are finally supporting each other in standing up and saying that it isn’t right and it needs to stop.

Sorry not sorry that it means calling out all of the assholery over the years. The “flirting,” the “you should feel flattered,” the “you’re a good looking woman what do you expect?” All of it.

I present to you, in no particular order, an incomplete and list of assholery personally encountered by yours truly:

A fucker touched 14 year old me on the streets of Durango, CO.

My high school botany teacher stole my day planner and kept it for 3 weeks, asked me to leave the class because he thought I was too sensitive for the killer whale eating the seal, and kept me after class to talk about Native American birth control herbs.

Countless boys teased me, flipped my skirts and snapped my bras, and got to call me “slut” even though we were all children.

To my “friend” who kissed me and asked to relieve me of my virginity when I was 10 and he was 12. Thanks for asking?

When I was 19/20, my manager favored me, made my coworkers resent me, touched me inappropriately, and had been forced to switch stores in the past because of sexual harassment.

I’ll stop there. You get the gist. All of my friends have stories. They are all different and yet the same. A male acts upon our bodies without asking. Awake, drunk, oh shit I just made eye contact…hi…thanks no there’s nothing different about me today (please oh please don’t stand so close oh god so hate that smirk I just want to punch him in the face) …no nothing is wrong I just have work to do…no no no I like talking to you I just have to…(there it is. “Bitch”)

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Today, I just…

have some random thoughts I need to get out of my head.

I’m horrified by recent events, but more horrified that the lives of millions of people are in jeopardy. So, to shut down the noise in my head, and avoid abusing social media, in no particular order:

  • 1 possible terrorist out of millions of people…oooooh those odds are SO scary. Not. Please help the refugees. The bad guys will come (or grow locally) and cause mayhem and chaos and “terrorize” you regardless of refugees.
  • “OMG Poor Paris” and you refuse to acknowledge the atrocities occurring in the rest of the world.  You cannot see it. You talk only of yourself and validation.
  • A meme comparing the 10,000 refugees to the 50,000 homeless vets in the US being passed around by people who don’t actually do anything to help anyone but themselves.
  • Saying, “I don’t want those refugees in my backyard.” Change refugees to n-word, and we’ve taken the Tardis to Southern US, 1965.
  • People who decide it’s cool again to vocalize their hatred for all Muslims because of terrorists the day after hating Starbucks for plain red cups and their war on Christians and campaigning for presidential candidates who  associate with deranged psychopaths who want to put homosexuals to death. Clearly they don’t read the Bible, or they would know the greatest commandment of all, is to love one another and that the new covenant invalidated the old law. Pick a side, don’t cherry-pick out of the bowls.
  • The weak-ass inability to take a stand or have an opinion is disgusting. You cannot NOT have an opinion. That just tells me you are an ignorant sheep. Let’s hope you are rescued by the right sheepdog and not eaten by the wolf.
  • They want you to be scared.
  • They want you to reject the refugees because they hate the refugees for rejecting Sharia Law and leaving to go to the evil West.
  • They want us to bomb more and more and more and create more instability and chaos and breed more misery and discontent because they recruit from fear and misery.
  • Acting on fear is pandering to their wants. It’s okay to be scared, but it’s not okay to make rash decisions because of it. It’s worse, though, to take no action because of it. I can’t agree with fear-based arguments telling the world to keep their refugees, but I agree even less with the pearl-clutching baa-baas of humanity looking for the nearest sheepdog to follow, regardless of its master.
  • I can’t rationalize the fear so many have for terrorists. YOU ARE LETTING THEM WIN. It’s the moral equivalent of meekly giving the bully your lunch money so they don’t kick your ass. Be scared, but be intelligent. Be the kid who gets the black eye. Be the hero. Or, let it make you cautious. Use it to educate yourself. Use it to maintain diligence and vigilance and observe what is going on around you. Just do something.
  • How many of the recent attacks, like Paris, Beirut and even school shootings could have been prevented by better diligence? By listening to that gut feeling and taking action?
  • Don’t just stand by and let the waves of despair crash over you. You still have to continue to seek out the good and the beautiful. Half the world could die tomorrow and you would still have to put food on the table and dress your kids. Get on with living and loving.

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Hunter’s Chicken

Hunter’s Chicken

2ish pounds of boneless chicken breast $4 (original recipe called for 3-4 lbs bone-in chicken)
1 onion, sliced $.50
1/4 cup oil $.25
1/2 cup flour $0.50 (less if you don’t use GF
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp black pepper
1 cup chicken broth $0.10
1 12(?) oz can of diced tomatoes $1
1 4 oz can mushrooms, drained $0.70
1 cup of  black olives $0.75
1/2 cup broth $0.05

1. Saute onions in oil until soft
2. Dredge chicken in flour, salt, and pepper, then brown in pan with oil and onion.
3. Pour in 1 cup of broth. Simmer uncovered till liquid is mostly gone.
4. Dump in remaining ingredients. Simmer uncovered until desired thickness.

Served with 2 lbs buttered potatoes ($1.25) and bag of steamed veggies with butter ($1.35)

So, total cost was about $10.50 for six people, less than $2/serving. And it was delicious!  It could be made for less $ with different meat., and it would still be tasty without mushrooms and olives.

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Where did all of my posts go?

Some of you may have noticed that all of my old posts are gone. The fact of the matter is, I created a niche blog and then used it as a platform for all of my shenanigans. I don’t think that’s the best use of the site. I think The Incompetent Hausfrau can do a lot of good, but not when I wander off on tangents. So, I have temporarily gotten rid of all of my old posts. I may set up a different blog for that nonsense, but I’m trying to refocus on my original vision for The Incompetent Hausfrau as a community space for people (not necessarily just women) who feel like they aren’t doing well enough. Who beat themselves up when they don’t meet up with their own expectations. We’ve become a sea of individuals comparing ourselves to a set of ideals that don’t exist in reality. When the extended family broke down and we all went our happy ways to our humble little two bedroom cottages with white picket fences and grandma and grandpa and great-aunt Margie stayed in their own humble little cottages, we lost our community. We became strangers in a sea of humanity and no longer had the beauty and wisdom of age and experience in the kitchen with us to laugh off things like inedible pot roast and sassy children. We became so individualistic that we think we have to know it all, do it all ourselves, do it all perfectly, and that asking for help or advice is somehow shameful and means that we’re weak and incompetent. And it’s just not true.  I’m awesome. You’re awesome. We are amazing, we just happen to be imperfect beings in a Perfect Universe. So, I’ll be going through my old posts one at a time and republishing them if they’ll fit in and be helpful. Namaste, Lieblings.

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Stop being poor: the illegality of poverty

I am so tired of the criminalization of poverty. Our society has made it illegal to be poor. Sure, there’s no legislation specifically saying that, but the fact remains that so much of our lives are illegal when you don’t have enough money.

  • Car registration: Fines and other penalties for failure to pay the registration, furthermore in many states registration is tied to inspections for emissions or safety, so if a car fails inspection and the owner cannot pay to get it fixed, then the car cannot be registered. Now you have a car you can’t pay to get fixed and can’t drive to work to earn the money you need to pay to get it fixed. Public transportation is not universal. The closest town is five miles away from me. To get there I have to drive for miles on dangerous country roads where people drive like lunatics and a highway full of even more lunatics. That town has a population of a couple of thousand. Not a whole lot of employment opportunities. The next closest town is about 12 miles to the outskirts. More job opportunities, but regardless, if you don’t have a vehicle, you can’t get to work. Everything is too far away and there is no public transportation from where I live to anywhere. I know I’m not the only person living in this situation.
  • Utilities: Most lease and rental agreements require tenants to keep electric, water, and other utilities turned on or they risk eviction.
  • Child care: Child care is expensive and not everyone has family or friends to help watch out for little ones. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, between the need to go to work and earn money and the need to care for small children, many moms–maybe dads but I honestly haven’t heard of them in this situation–leave their child in a place or situation that someone who is not in nor has never been in that position will say is criminal, neglectful, or abusive. In a car, playing at a park, sleeping in the back of the car (taxi driver).
  • Homelessness:  Sick of vagrancy and panhandling, many cities around the nation are going to extreme measures to get rid of homeless people. From installing spikes in doorways to smashing their belongings to bits, many areas of’ ‘Murica have spoken, “You are not wanted.”
  • Free lunch programs: Children are forced to go hungry and even publicly humiliated when their lunch tabs go unpaid. Seriously. This is a poverty issue, but mostly it’s just a case of messed up priorities. They are CHILDREN for  goodness sake. BABIES. They can’t even WORK so why would they be punished and made to go hungry?
  • Debtors prisons: Many people end up in jail over unpaid fines.  A Pennsylvania woman died in jail while serving 48 hours for inability to pay truancy fines for her kids.

This is a global problem, it’s not just endemic to the US. Without doing a bunch of research or analysis, let me just share some observations:

From my perspective we should take care of each other, the government shouldn’t have to raise taxes to do it, and everyone should work hard at something to pull their weight in society. From  where I’m standing, I can see that Coach bag and those Ray Bans. I can see that shiny Audi sitting in from of that three-storied, hip-roofed, 3,600 square foot home with its professionally landscaped lawn.

A couple of weeks ago we held a bake sale to raise money for my kid’s soccer team. I like to watch people. I like to study them as they walk by. We were almost in front of a Target where American women like to joke about going in for toilet paper and accidentally spending $300 on home record and workout clothes they don’t work out in. The majority of those women walking past our game sale were nose-ups (those people who not only didn’t buy our baked goods, or donate, or say “No thank you”, but those who walked by looking constipated and offended by our presence) and they also had the nicest clothes, the best coiffed hair, the shiniest accessories, and pushed the fullest baskets as they left the store.

I’m not full of crap. It’s pretty well documented that in America, the more money you have, the less money you give.  So, not only do the rich give less, they also have the pull and the power to force legislation and punitive measures on those bothersome people who muddy up the pretty waters of their fantasies. I really see no end to this problem. I see it only getting worse. The rich and well-to-do will keep getting richer and sucking up more and more resources from the bottom until the bottom, weakened beyond repair, falls out. Then we’ll all really be in a pickle. So, just stop being poor already. You’re causing problems.

P.S. It’s not that I don’t see a solution, but it’s kind of like trying to sneak out of a shark’s mouth with all those backward pointing serrated teeth. If people could give up some of their materialism, and voluntarily share their money, that would help, but then that money wouldn’t be spent on the sunglasses and manicures which would have other impacts in micro economies, individuals, and livelihoods. So, “redistribution of wealth” whether it be voluntary or mandatory, just has other consequences that are more difficult to foresee and even harder to measure. Hence, we’re all in a pickle barrel with a rotting bottom.

P.P.S. I really don’t know to what purpose I wrote this blog, except that I’m sick of people being dicks, and treating poor people and down-on-their-luck people like scum-sucking dirt bags who don’t deserve the oxygen they breathe and as a drain on society that should be retroactively aborted really, really pisses me off.

P.P.P.S. “Like” this if you stand against the greedy nose-ups of the world and for solidarity and a slow, coordinated backing out of the shark’s mouth. Plus it’s like a virtual hug, and I need a good hug.

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I AM grateful but I can’t ignore the spitball in my hair

There is a big gratitude movement, of which I totally approve. Yes, it needed my approval, which I gladly give. You’re welcome. (kidding) I think it is awesome and fantastic and a step in the right direction. Unfortunately, it seems to be fanning the flames of the suck it up buttercup, quit yer bitchin’, no one fucking cares cause.

I think it is great to play Pollyanna and the “I’m so glad” game, but let’s not forget that we are adults and that real life hurts and sucks sometimes and that it has been pretty well established that bottling it all up, even if you are continually topping off with gratitude, is just not healthy. We have to let this crap out. We have to vent and rage and scream and cry on occasion. We have to say, “This SUCKS. This pisses me off. This hurts my feelings.”

We cannot continue to invalidate our own feelings because it turns people off and we’re not supposed to let them out of the nasty little recesses of our minds. We’re only allowed to talk about that which makes us grateful; everything else is self-serving narcissism.

Well, I call horseshit. Please, be grateful. Keep up that running commentary on the good stuff, the small things, the beauty in the world that makes your heart sing. But also, let’s be real and genuine. Let’s strive for balance and let one another let it all out without apology because it is just as important and vital to our well-being.

What do you think? Do you ever feel upset, angsty, stressed, sad, etc., and not feel as though you can express it? If you are a blogger, do you avoid those topics? Do you think people should keep it to themselves? If so, what is your solution to the need for catharsis and relief? How can we help one another create safe environments to express both gratitude and angst?

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Above the below and below the upper

We are trying to wrap our brains around the fact that we’re poor. It truly boggles the brain because according to tables, charts, and graphs by experts on the matter, we aren’t, so why on earth we’re having trouble keeping food on the table, clothes on our backs, tires on the cars, trash pickup turned on, etc. is beyond my understanding.

We make too much money to be poor. We don’t qualify for any assistance, help, aid, special programs or pricing. Everything says we are good. Golden even, living the dream. Except we’re not.  Every month we spend less and come up shorter.

I watch food prices and the appetites of my youngens rise in tandem. They grow as fast as the price of cheap shoes increases. They are growing and blossoming and now I’ve had to add bras, deodorant, facial soap, and razors to our budget.

I don’t need to be told why everything costs more. I’m aware of the price of gas, increased costs to producers, and how I will bear that increase on my back. I am aware of government projects, new laws, and spending that we pay for in part every other week. We know how our state has completely rewritten their tax structure and they advised everyone to claim less than they thought they could because next year, we don’t want the penalties that occur for owing the governor money.  I know about all of these things, I just want to know when or if it’s going to stop so we can make plans.

I know that if many other people are struggling the way we are,  collectively we’re going to collapse under the pressure. It’s really just a simple energy equation. We need to do more work (load to carry) so we need to use more energy to accomplish that work. All we really need is food, but as we parents collectively take smaller and smaller portions to make sure the next generation is adequately fueled, well it stands to reason that if we keep going the way we’re going, we’re going to run out of fuel ourselves. So the best we can hope for is to keep the engine going long enough for the next generation to take over.

Funny, sitting here, I remember being told how WE were the generation who would fix the ills of the world.

Update: Out of curiosity, I looked up our income against our state’s SNAP requirements. Much to my surprise, we are not that much above the allowable income (I expected a much greater difference). This really doesn’t make me feel much better. It’s not a good feeling working so hard and doing all of the things “they” tell you that you need to do to be sucessful (go to college they said, it’ll get you ahead they said), and getting “there” and finding out that it isn’t any better and is in many ways worse than what you left behind.

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Stuck in a Food Rut With You

Note: I’m not entirely sure why, but I didn’t publish after I wrote this back in March. Unfortunately, it’s just as true today. Ridiculous. Help me. Today was a solid “Day 1” kind of day. It’s all downhill from here.

I’m in a food rut. A horrible, no good, ugly rut. I don’t know how the women folk did it in those bygone years before there were ice boxes, yogurt in perfectly portioned plastic cups, and Cheetos. I don’t know how they made breakfast, lunch, and dinner, every day, without fail, without losing their ever-lovin’ minds. Seriously. Do you?

I can easily spend all day in the kitchen if I’m not careful. Just feeding my people. It’s hard when you have this thing called a budget and your people have food issues. My hubs and girls can’t have gluten, and the girls and I can’t have dairy. It means that I have to make practically everything from scratch whether or not I want to. That in and of itself wouldn’t be that big of a deal–and yes I’m grateful to have enough food to feed them–but for the fact that our modern lives are ever so much busier and active and require doing of the things like going to all the places.

Those vintage type moms might have to go to town once a fortnight for food and supplies and for church on Sundays, but nowadays we have sports, socializing, grocery shopping, car maintenance, bill paying, etc., which just make our lives busier. Because we still have to do the eating of the food thing three times a day. Sometimes, five or six if you own nasty little Hobbitses like I do. I am not at all convinced that this modern world we live in is all that much better than when we had to churn our own butter and throw the dishwater out the back door.

So, all of this food prep and feeding and cleaning have me in a rut. This is my typical pattern:

Day 1: Make breakfast. Feed breakfast. Wash up. Make lunch. Feed lunch. Wash up. Swear at the looming dinner. Make dinner. Feed dinner. Wash up.

Day 2: Make breakfast. Feed breakfast. Throw dishes in the sink. Make lunch that doesn’t require the dishes in the sink. Feed lunch. Wash up. Swear at the looming dinner. Swear at the looming dinner. Make dinner. Feed dinner. Wa…I Nope.

Day 3: Wash up from last night’s dinner. Make breakfast. Wa…No, just pile it all in the sink. Scrounge around for finger foods for lunch. Swear at the looming dinner. Make din…wash up a bit so I have enough pots and pans and counter space to make dinner. Fee…no. Wash plates and forks. Now. Feed dinner…I quit. (repeat daily until I get fed up of the mess and suck it up and clean the kitchen after dinner)

Sure I’ve got the time to spend in the kitchen doing all those dishes. I just don’t want to spend my day in there. I DON’T WANNA. I don’t know how y’all do it, either. Some of youse feed your kids cereal. Cereal! I laugh. When I feed my kids cereal they eat up a full bowl (or two) and then ask me what else there is to eat because they’re still hungry. Sandwiches. Sure, anytime I feel like dropping a five spot on a tiny loaf of bread that makes exactly six tiny sandwiches I do that. Same thing goes with crackers and other premade foods. For the most part, they are budget killers so I don’t get them. I did find a good recipe for gluten free sandwich bread. Finally. So I make it anytime I feel like spending some extra time in the kitchen. So far that has been twice in the last six months.

I am in an, “I don’t want to cook, making food is gross, I don’t want to shop for food, I don’t want to eat out because we can’t really anyway because everything has gluten in it, and in fact, I don’t even feel much like eating at all unless it’s avocados, chips and salsa, almonds, or Nutella” rut. This lack of interest in food, which is rapidly turning into disgust for foodstuffs, is really detrimental to my motivation to make food. Which means my people have had so much chicken and rice that when I make chicken and rice I pretty much put as much away as leftovers as I prepared and the littles go to bed hungry unless they say something and I give them a bedtime snack.

A friend of mine calls it “recipe fatigue”. Whatever it is, I’m ready for it to go away. I’m stuck and I don’t know how to get out. I joked with some acquaintances that I wanted a sister-wife to take over kitchen duty and they looked at me like I had lobsters crawling out of my ears. Like they’ve never thought of it. Well, maybe they haven’t. They all seem pretty enchanted with their lives. Ah, to be young and in a young relationship with only very young children again. :::Meeemorieeees. All alone in the moooooonliiiiiight…”:::

So, do you ever get tired of cooking? What do you do, besides the suck-it-up-buttercup standby that I usually employ?

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Relax, Your Kid Hasn’t Been Ruined by Electronics

I always seem to wait too long to write responses. Be it blogs, news, #hashtags, I always dilly and dally and soon everyone has said all the things at least thrice and I would just be adding to the dissonant cacophony of voices each vying for attention, hits, and traffic. Oh well. Better late than never. I want to discuss the HuffPost article going around about 10 Reasons Something Something Kids and Electronics. I won’t link to it. If you must find it, I’m sure you can Google it, or find it from a Facebook friend. Ahem. If that’s you, please know that I love you from the bottom of my heart and that I do not fault you for sharing it. Please read on.

The overall premise is pretty sound: kids need less electronics. However, the individual pieces–those ten little reasons–individually and collectively seek to terrify parents. Terrify. Fear marketing is roughly equivalent to domestic terrorism. Don’t believe me?

Terrorism: Systematic use of violence to create a general climate of fear in a population and thereby to bring about a particular political objective. Merriam-Webster

Oh. “Violence.” Then fear marketing doesn’t count. My bad. Or does it?

Violence: 3. b: Vehement feeling or expression Merriam-Webster

Oh. “Political.” Never mind. Wait. Political, root word politic.

Politic: 2: Characterized by shrewdness in managing, contriving, or dealing. Merriam-Webster

I think we can all agree on the meaning of domestic. In other words, terrorism can be defined as

The systematic use of vehement feeling or expression to create a general climate of fear in a population and thereby to shrewdly manage or contrive a particular objective.

So, what about said blog author’s qualifications? She’s a biologist, a pediatric occupational therapist for heaven’s sake. That requires degrees, certifications, letters after her name! I happen to have degrees and letters after my name. BS <gigglesnork> Bachelor of Science in Marketing, summa cum laude, tyvm. So, I know a thing or two about marketing. Respect my authority.

Actually, that is what all of this is based on. Authority. The vast majority of people do in fact respect authority and power, which is why marketing works. Sometimes the authority is Science, or Academia, or Celebrity. Fear marketing is a very successful type of marketing that uses authority to create fear in consumers, and as it happens I find it extremely unethical. The blog author, with her authority, both her own and her citations, attempts to scare the reader (parent). She attempts to lead parents to believe that whatever is wrong with their children can be directly tied to their electronic use. From cancer to ADHD, and obesity to developmental delays: if you exposed your children to handheld electronic devices or television you have caused them harm. And as it so happens she is the creator, owner, and marketer of a line of products, workshops, and training designed specifically to combat that damage you have done to your children. It almost brings a tear to your eye.

Well. If you’re not inherently skeptical. If you are an average parent, especially if you are an average parent with a less-than-perfect child, then this article work of terror will likely cause an anxious thread of doubt to circulate your chest. Your mind will start reeling and reliving all the times you turned on the babysitter forjustafewminutesofpeaceandquiet! Please, let me tell you, from the bottom of my heart, that if you are reading that article, if you care about the growth and development of your child, if you love and do your very best for your child, then you haven’t harmed them with some exposure to electronics. Seriously.

This article is designed to appeal (contrary word isn’t it? even while you’re terrified for your child this product appeals to you) to good parents. Bad parents won’t bother to read it or question their parenting at all. This is what I want you to understand. This ad campaign, and so many others like it, are designed to cause anxiety where none exists. In marketing, if there isn’t a market for a product then you create it. That is what fear marketing does; it creates a market by scaring consumers into believing they need something. You see it a LOT in the Hollydaze, and I’ll write more about it as that special time of year approaches.

So this article blog opinion marketing campaign is junk. Say it with me, “It is crap.” Now, go kiss and love on your babies because YOU are a fabulous parent.

Shameless plea for external validation: please like and share this post. It’s like a virtual hug.

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March 13, 2014 · 8:39 PM