I have four girls. No boys. I am totally fine with that and so is DH. We wanted four kids. We got four girls. Great! People, however, seem to have an issue with our four girls, and the most polite thing people say is, “bless your heart.” They don’t really mean it. What they mean is, “I’m glad I’m not you,” or “you’re nuts,” or “don’t you know how that happens?” (We do, actually, and are pretty great at it). I know the people who say “bless your heart” are disingenuous, because they often launch into explanations about how “they” are the deficient ones.
It is so infuriating for people to question the integrity of my family. We are a family. We are not perfect people, but to each other, our family is perfect. We are not missing anything by not having boys, nor is there anything wrong with the quantity of females. Our family integrity is sound. We have four healthy children from four healthy pregnancies. We have no missing pieces, so why must my female children be diminished and demeaned for “lack” of penises?
The absolute worst is when people say make comments in front of my girls. Seriously? It’s not polite to make sexist remarks to adult women, and it sure as hell is not appropriate to say it in front of little girls. Here’s a sampler for ya: “You must have your hands full!” “I don’t know how you do it!” “I had two girls and didn’t have a boy so I quit.” “I am so glad I have all boys!” “You must be going crazy!”
So, the next person who says, “bless your heart,” or it’s less polite relatives just might just hear, “too bad you didn’t sterilize yourself since you’re not woman enough to raise daughters or smart enough to know when not to flap your man pleaser,” as a response.
I have one son. Not that we didn’t want more, it just hasn’t happened (yet), and the question I hate most is “Is this your only child?”, followed closely by “Are you going to have another?” STHU!
People tend to mean well, but we forget our curiosity can hurt.
Sometimes I wonder whether we’re so wrapped up in our own family’s structure that it’s hard to understand how another family could be complete if it doesn’t replicate ours. Silly, isn’t it? I know for me personally–coming from a family of five kids–it was hard to come to the point where I truly believed that my one-child family was perfect, complete, and missing nothing. I love my little family and it’s just right for us.